dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
