Cold hands, warm shart.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize