They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
