I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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