Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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