I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
