What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
