The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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