It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
