Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
