You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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