so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
