How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
