Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
