i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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