What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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