My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
