Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
