you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
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