I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Randomize
