You're completely useless in the revolution.
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
