Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
