sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
