Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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