Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
