My room smells like vodka and shame
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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