All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
40s are totally the cure
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
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