He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Randomize
