If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
