I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
