I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
