I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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