My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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