Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
