we have officially mastered the walk of shame
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
