I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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