She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
