I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
