she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
