Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
