Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I have aggressive nipples.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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