Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
