so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
