someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Randomize
