Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You dont lie about slip and slides
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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