No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
home. puking in laundry basket.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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