So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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