he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
We have started to decorate penises.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
