mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize