More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Ladies don't puke and tell
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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