I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Oh god it's open bar.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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