cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I could fuck to npr.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
