Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
