The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
