He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
