i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
