I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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