I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
