I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
