she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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