his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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