Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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