oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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