perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I AM VODKA MAN
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
