I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
FUCK WHALES
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
