my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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