So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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