Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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