so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
