I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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