I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
