i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Those nachos came to me in a dream
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
