I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
We had to coat check the pizza.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
