After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
