If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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