even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize