I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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