Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
