Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
she peed on how many people?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
