Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
