My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
