On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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