Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize