thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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