First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
that may or may not have been my penis.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
