He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
