I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
