but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
