super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
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