The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Never let your siblings swipe right.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
