I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
