Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
