Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
