i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize