sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
