And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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