dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
