Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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