Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I have post one night stand depression
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