Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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