apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
