i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize