Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
