my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
