Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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