Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
