i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
She tied me up with her honor cords...
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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