weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
