After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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