What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize