Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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