im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
