Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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