If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
